January is a slow month for me.  I find myself in the January blues and not wanting to do much writing and my brain has less creativity flowing from it.  I do have some ideas and blogs to roll out soon.   

You can pray for creativity and the Spirit to work on the rough ideas I have.   Also need closer intimacy with God.

Peace!

Ted

We are a couple of days away from celebrating Christmas. Many have given Santa (or family) a list of items you would like to receive for Christmas.  My mom has my Santa wish list.  There is another and probably more important list I give to God.  Since a Savior was born to atone for the sins of His people, then I can ask God to cleanse my heart and forgive me of my sins.  I ask God to watch over family and friends.  I also put on my list to God the hearts that need change of hurting or even lost friends and family members.

I like getting material things, but they can easily disappear the next day.  Jesus doesn’t leave or forsake you once He comes into your life.  You can always give Him a list ( hopefully not just material needs) to work on.  I usually let the Spirit guide me in my list to Jesus.  That way it lines up with God’s purpose and plan for my life.  If I had a number one on this year’s list to God, then it would be to have my immediate family be at peace with one another, forgive one another of their sins against each, and make the best of our lives ahead.  My mom and I are close and I wish others were too!

Mom, God has answered your prayers and your prodigal son will be home for Christmas this year!

Merry Christmas!

Ted

Usually I like to share how god is working in my life.  This is also a thinker’s blog and well occasionally I like to get  the readers thinking.  I will say this is the most joyous Christmas season I’ve had in a while.  This time of year can be quite busy with shopping, parties, and hanging out with family.

Today I would like to get the readers to stop and think.  Biblically this season has a ton of importance.  A savior was born into this world to save His people from their sins.

Matthew 1:21-23

²¹“She will bear a Son; and you shall call His name Jesus, for He will save His people from their sins.”

²²Now all this took place to fulfill what was spoken by the Lord through the prophet:

²³“BEHOLD, THE VIRGIN SHALL BE WITH CHILD AND SHALL BEAR A SON, AND THEY SHALL CALL HIS NAME IMMANUEL,” which translated means, “GOD WITH US.”

Here are the stop and think questions:

Have you thanked God lately for sending His son into the world to save you from your sins?

Immanuel means God with us.  Is there something you need to change in your life to experience more God with you?

Maybe you need to spend more time in the Word, prayer, or a spiritual discipline.

I hope everyone is having a great holiday season.  I hope you are spending some time with Jesus.

Merry Christmas!

Ted

These snowmen are waiting around the Christmas tree for a miracle to happen.  It’s not going to come from the tree, but it could come from the real reason to celebrate this time of year – the birth of a Savior.  Honestly, Christmas time has been a living hell for me the last six years.  Six years ago I was confronted by a girlfriend that I had a drug addiction and needed to do something about it.  I was forced to pack my bags and jump on a plane and go to my first drug addiction treatment center in South Florida.  Not the worst place to be in winter.  It sucks being away from your family at Christmas time.  It did get me on the road to recovery.  The next year I was back in Florida but relapsed out of a sober living house and spent Christmas day in a motel room.  That was by far my worst Christmas ever.  Next year I was in Greenville, SC in another recovery program and struggled with how to be merry when I’m living in a rescue mission and away from my mom and brother.  The next two Christmas’s I was in the Dallas area, but being bipolar December is the month my mind likes to go south and I get very depressed which also leads to not being sober.  If I fall into a deep depression my mind begins obsessing about self medicating with drugs and it is not long before I’m out running the streets.

All I can say is Jesus has never given up on me and keeps pursuing me with His love.  Last year I was suicidal, depressed, and abusing drugs.  This year I am connected to God.  I’m walking in the Spirit, connected to a great community of followers of Jesus at Cornerstone Church, and really excited about celebrating the birth of Jesus.  For the first time in six years I am not depressed, am sober, and very much in the Christmas Spirit.  I do have something to be Merry about this Christmas.  Thank you Jesus for being born to be a savior and a healer.

Merry Christmas!

Ted

I had a great dad who loved his kids as best he knew how.  He encouraged us to do well in school, loved coming to our soccer matches and swim meets, and really loved camping with his boys.  He wanted us to do well in life and succeed at whatever we tried to do.  He went though life and his body withered away, his mind played with him(bipolar disorder), and he lost hope that life would get better.  My dad lost hope ten years ago and didn’t want to be a burden on his family any longer.  He thought taking his life would solve many problems and it didn’t.  It just made life a lot harder for me.

I never signed up to be the Spiritual leader of my family; that was my dad’s role.  As the eldest son I feel responsible to help encourage everyone in their spiritual growth or at least learning more about God and having a relationship with Him.  I’m not the best ambassador of Christ at times.  I struggle with keeping my mind balanced from bipolar disorder and I sometimes fall into active addiction to drugs.  I’ve felt like my dad in the recent year that I just want to jump off a building and not be a burden to my family and escape the demons that haunt me.  Then God speaks to me and keeps saying “all things work together for good” and “I will redeem everything in time.”  He reassured me recently when I asked, “is there any purpose for me walking this earth?”  He responded with, “to help others find hope and healing through Jesus.”  This was after I passed a cemetery earlier in the day and wrote on a wall “I want to die.”

The storms of life overtook my Dad ten years ago and he left us.  I don’t want the same to happen to me, but I know it’s a daily task to fend off the Enemy’s attacks and surrender fully to God and allow the Holy Spirit to lead me.

We love you dad and miss you dearly.  We hope to see you in heaven.

Love you,

Ted

P.S.  I’m the one with the glasses and hat.

I like to pause at this time of year and remind myself of everything I have to be thankful for in my life.  I begin with just being thankful I’m alive.  I’ve lived through some events that could easily have left me dead.  I can get caught up in life and forget each day is another day not promised to me.  I’m very thankful for my family, my Cornerstone family, my friends who are a great source of encouragement and also the wise men God has sovereignly placed in my life.  I’m especially thankful now that God reminds me every day I have a purpose and he’s working to redeem my life.  I can easily look at won’t I don’t have, but I do have this great guy named Jesus walking by my side.  He tells me to keep getting up when I fall, dust myself off, and continue to walk with Him.  Thanks for being by my side Jesus!!!

Peace!

Ted

What do you do as you are waiting on God to redeem and restore your life?  You connect to the Spirit and allow it to lead and place your feet onto the narrow road that leads to life.  The flesh is constantly battling you and wanting to lead you to death.  If you take captive your thoughts and make them obedient to Christ you will know the path for the day the Spirit wants to lead you in.  Nothing will happen in your time frame; only in God’s time frame.  God has a plan and purpose for my life and knows the steps to take to restore my life to the way He desires it to be.  Some things will not make sense to me and I process them to see if God is really at work in something.  More than likely I will have to take the low road of being humble.  A lot of times God tells me to get low and let Him take care of things.  I’m totally cool with that!  I usually am not good at fixing my life, but God is great at it.  I guess a Father knows best.

Constantly trying to choose to follow the road of Humility

It’s not an easy road to stay on and you constantly battle the flesh as it wants to be proud.  I’ve learned to wait on the Spirit of God to move.  Trust God always and allow Him to work on leading your heart on the narrow path that leads to life.

Peace!

Ted

I’m on a journey through a fallen world.  God has opened my eyes to see a spiritual world.  I also have to live in the flesh that when empowered wants to destroy me and the life that God is trying to redeem, create, and maintain.  I feel overwhelmed at times as my mind drifts into deep depressions from bipolar disorder.  I see my world spinning out of control.  I see all these idols that seem to offer hope and escape and they do but it is short term at best.

I mentioned in an earlier post that I walked away from God and my heart eventually tuned to stone as I allowed my flesh to have control of me.  God has this way of never giving up on me and pursuing me with his love.  He also knows how to get my attention.  There are these things I like to call the penalty box of life that is a place you find yourself in when man’s justice system punishes you.  Anyways there’s not much to do in the penalty box of life.  You can start talking to God which is prayer.  So I started talking to God.  I asked him to soften my heart, help me receive grace and mercy from the justice system, and help me get in touch with friends and family.  He’s really cool in that he answered all three.  I remember laying on my bunk one night and started to cry.  I like these verses in Joel:

Rend Your Heart

¹² “Even now,” declares the LORD,
“return to me with all your heart,
with fasting and weeping and mourning.”

¹³ Rend your heart
and not your garments.
Return to the LORD your God,
for he is gracious and compassionate,
slow to anger and abounding in love,
and he relents from sending calamity.
¹⁴ Who knows? He may turn and relent
and leave behind a blessing—
grain offerings and drink offerings
for the LORD your God.

I felt my heart awaken and I was more receptive to God.  I began to repent and ask God what to do next to begin restoring and redeeming my life.  As you begin seeking God the Holy Spirit begins to tug on your heart and Godly thoughts enter into your mind.  You soon find yourself back in the River of Life.  As God speaks to you through the Holy Spirit you begin to seek the things of God that give life and you reject and get rid of the things that bring death.

Some people may have believed that Ted is Dead over the last year and in many ways I was dead.  When you allow an addiction to control your life you are dead mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.  You are not physically dead although you do feel like crap from the misuse of your body.

Life without Holy Spirit, walking and controlled by the flesh:

Life with the Holy Spirit, walking and controlled by God:

Some may ask what is your plan.  I don’t know.  God does know.  I just start practicing the spiritual disciplines that allow me to connect to the Creator.  I am connected with authentic life-giving community.  I have wise men and counselors in my life who help guide me in this journey through a fallen world.  More than anything I’m just trusting, obeying, and letting God guide the way.  My life may not make sense to you.  You may be a human and not born anew in the Spirit and view my life through an American dream lens.  I’m not trying to live the American dream.  I’m trying to have my life and story be able to fit into the Bible.  I got that from Francis Chan.  God is rescuing and redeeming my life and along the way I want to give hope to others and help them find healing in the ultimate healer – Jesus.

Peace!

Ted

Matthew 7:13-14 (NIV)

The Narrow and Wide Gates

¹³“Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. ¹⁴But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.

One path to death:

One path to life:

How do you stay on the right path?  Who comes along for the journey?  Each road is not based on one decision but a collection of decisions.  I’m on the narrow road now and desperately want to stay there.

Peace!

Ted

Where has the time gone!  It was a year ago that I went into a tailspin due to me letting my sinful nature take over control of me.  I could speak of the specifics but they are not really important.  I struggle with bipolar disorder, drug addiction, and stubbornness.  It’s really my flesh that I battle.  I try to die to self and crucify my flesh but it tries to find different avenues to come alive.  I lost hope last October that God could change my mind for the better.  I walked away from God.  Not a good choice.  I wanted to kill myself and I ran from God.  Slowly God brought me back to Him.  His ways are not our ways and if you try to look logically at the way he did things it may not make sense to you.  The important things is my heart is awake and I’m responsive to the Holy Spirit.  I’m doing my best to be in an encouraging living and working environment.  I’m back worshiping at Cornerstone.  I’m letting God take his time in remodeling my life.  He and mostly I did some major demolition but we are headed in a good direction.

I’m an imperfect person, living an imperfect life, in an imperfect world.  I probably mess up more than I get right.  God’s okay with that.  He still loves me though I sin and fall away but I do suffer consequences for disobedience.  He never stopped saying he would redeem my life and the time.  He was waiting on me to repent and start obeying.  He also knows when to throw the hammer down and get my attention which He did.  I read the Word, pray, and can feel the Holy Spirit alive in my heart.

As I left Cornerstone Sunday I saw two things on a license plate.  My initials TK and the number 57.  Exactly matched up on a plate.  To me it says from God,” I will redeem your life, Ted.”  Read prior posts to understand 57.  5 is the biblical number for redemption and 7 stands for a prefect God.

God will redeem my life and be the Hero!

Check back to see how the story goes…..

Peace!

Ted